Dark vs. Light

I am absolutely terrified of the dark. The idea of being alone in a house at night makes me feel physically sick. Of course I have had to do it before, but it doesn't get easier. Every time I try and stay awake until I cannot keep my eyes open any longer, in hope that I can just get into bed and go straight to sleep. It never works. I end up in bed with my duvet over my head like a child hiding from the monster in the closet, hearing nothing but my heart beat pounding twice as fast as usual, uncontrollably convincing myself I can hear more and start making up the worst possible scenarios in my mind.
I've only seen one or two scary films, but that was when I was about 16 years old and for the majority of them I had my face covered anyway, so what I create in my mind is certainly not from earthly experiences.
Of course I pray and I put on worship music and praise God and I try everything in an attempt to rid my mind of these terrible emotions- but I can't, they don't go until I wake up the next morning and its light again.

The reason I am writing about this is down to a conversation I had with a good Christian friend of mine recently about my awful home alone (/generally anything to do with the dark) habits and I remember feeling like a terrible follower of Christ. I remember thinking "If I am walking in the light at all times then why does darkness scare me so?" "If I believe that I'm constantly surrounded by the Trinity then why do all these demonic thoughts go through my mind?" "People must think I'm not fully trusting in God" "Am I fully trusting in God?"... oh my, I started doubting my faith, my life, my sanity! I didn't come to any conclusions during this conversation but since then I have really been praying into it- I know these thoughts and feelings aren't from God, so why can't I shake them?

To try and re-gain my own confidence in my faith I started to think and pray about the areas of my life that Jesus is so present, and the obvious one that stood out was my dreams. So vivid, so memorable, so blessed. I started to think about why God chose dreams as a way to talk to me- and I guess its obvious- I'm a creative, always have been and always will be, so the best way to communicate with me is through dreams, through pictures and colours and movements... my imagination is like that of a child, it has no boundaries and I've often got lost within it. This is the most powerful tool God has to talk to me.... so why would the devil pass up an opportunity like trying to interfere with that and claim it as his own? Boom; Thank you Jesus for the power of realisation.

Figuring that out is not an instant fix. Just the thought of the dark still makes me nervous but at least I can deal with it knowing that 1. I'm not losing my mind, 2. My faith and relationship with Jesus is still very much going strong, and 3. Its just the devil trying to break the bond between me and my Heavenly Father. It's a battle that's ongoing on earth but in heaven its already won- darkness has been defeated by light.

Whenever you start to doubt your faith or wonder why you're thinking or feeling something that's clearly not from God, really pray into what could be causing it. If it's not good, it's not from God. Chances are its evil attacking and grabbing hold of the most precious connection between you and your Father. In my case it was my creativity and my imagination, but each relationship is different and tailor made to you. Don't jump to conclusions and assume it's God forgetting about you or testing you or that you're not good enough, cause then you're allowing darkness to cast shadows onto His light.

Never lose sight of God and the incredible things he's doing in your life. Never let evil grasp onto the things that bond you and Jesus so closely together, never assume anything when it comes to you and your faith, remember He uses ALL things for good, never give in, never give up, never forget that darkness has been defeated. 

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains –

    where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip –

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

Indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you –

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm –

    he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and for evermore."

-Psalm 121

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!

Last week my church had a 24/7 prayer room open for a week. This basically means that for an entire week, there was constantly someone in this room praying, 24hours a day. And some amazing stuff happened! I just wanted to share my experience with you.

In case you hadn't guessed, that's the prayer room! ^^^

So I walked in at 7pm on Saturday 1st Feb ready to spend 2 hours quality time with Jesus. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I just stood there and looked around in amazement at how this room had been transformed by peoples prayers and stories and praise. My eyes welled up, I wasn't sad, I was just moved. Saying "Jesus was there" is an understatement; Jesus was owning that place! I spent the first half an hour or so looking around, re-praying other peoples prayers, reading words of thankful praise alongside cries for help, listening to worship being played from the CD player and taking in the presence of the Spirit. 

It wasn't long until I was fully absorbed in the whole experience. My first ever prayer room experience. I spent time writing down and speaking out prayers, singing along to the worship music, drawing pretty pictures (creative praise is the best kind!), and sometimes just resting in his presence and waiting upon Him. It was an incredible experience and I left feeling refreshed (and covered in every colour of pen... Apparently I still can't colour within the lines). But it wasn't until I had gone to bed that night that God really spoke to me. 

It was 4am, a time which I VERY rarely see, when I awoke from a pretty intense dream. (I have mentioned in other blog posts that I dream a lot, and they're starting to become more recognisable as dreams from God.) At first I thought back on the dream and was actually a bit freaked by it, but as I started praying for nice heavenly appointed dreams when I fell back to sleep, He stopped me right in my tracks and I suddenly realised... that WAS from God. I just didn't see it right away. By this point I was wide awake, I could've got up and started my day then and there, so I knew it was time to sit up and pay attention. This wasn't just by chance. It didn't take me long to realise what this dream was about, and it's pretty darn cool. I sat up, got out my phone, and wrote everything down. Here's what I wrote:

I dreamt that I was walking to Allen house (where the prayer room is) one evening (to attend my prayer slot) and when I got to the top of the path I noticed that Allen house was totally symmetrical. I had never noticed this before. I kinda shrugged it off and went inside and spent my time in the prayer room and when I came out I noticed balls of fire falling from the sky and resting on the earth. I wasn't scared by this, I just stood in awe, it was beautiful. It was then that I noticed it. Allen house wasn't actually symmetrical, we were just living to one side of a massive mirror that ran down the middle of Guildford and ended at Allen house. So Allen house is the only place that you notice it. We had been living one side of the mirror for so long we didn't even notice. It just become normal and comfortable. But the other side of this panel of glass, fire balls were falling and resting upon the earth. Not causing any damage but causing complete amazement. I feel like through this dream God is telling us to stop living like there's something dividing us from heaven truly touching earth. I feel like whilst in the prayer room this week people have had fresh revelations and ideas about how we can see his kingdom come (in Guildford in-particular but its relevant to anywhere). Whether that's through practical physical things we can do, or maybe it was just a word over Guildford (/wherever you are) or to someone in particular that by speaking out and speaking it over our town and people, we will start breaking away this glass that's separating what we see and what God has promised, it will start breaking away that barrier that's causing people to believe that nothing is happening or that there is no God and by speaking out and getting our hands dirty, maybe even getting a few cuts from the glass, more people will see God and come to know our all loving Father that's so desperate for his children to know Him. There's only that thin illusion that's stopping heaven come down, I believe that through things God revealed to people in the prayer room this week, we are going to start to see those beautiful and powerful fire balls resting upon the earth, heaven kissing earth. And we will stand in awe, and people won't be able to help but fall in love with our Heavenly Father. He is here, He is so close, let's start chiselling away at the man made barrier and reveal this incredible display of Gods power and glory. 

I encourage you to speak out whatever has been spoken to you this past week, or month, or year. Even if it seems a bit bizarre like this dream did to begin with. It could be the start of something beautiful! 

How flipping awesome is that?! Cheers God! 

So there we go, speak out, shout it out over your city, over the people, He is here, He is SO desperate to be seen and we are so so close! It's just a matter of breaking down and shattering this 'man made illusion' and revealing all that God is doing and is going to do here on earth.

Get excited!! 

Sweet, sweet dreams.

I don't know about you, but when I dream, I dream. Theres none of this "I think I dreamt but I don't remember it" or "Something happened and you were there but it wasn't actually you but I'm not really sure" business, I properly dream; I remember everything down to its finest detail, the colours, the smells, the sounds, exact sentences someone says... everything! Now surely that's not by coincidence? Right? Surely someones trying to tell me something here.

When I was a little girl I used to wake up in the morning, after having had one of these amazingly long and vivid dreams, and know that it was God, and know what He was saying. And they have all been relevant, not one of them was wasted. Some I remember to this day, and they helped me through some pretty tough times. I mean, God spoke to ME whilst I was asleep.. Pretty cool huh?! As I grew up they became more and more fragmented, or scarier, or I just laughed them off the next morning as something bizarre and I'd forget all about them. They didn't matter anymore because I denied God. I believed in him and I loved him but I in no way thought that He would want to talk to me. I brushed off the past dreams and told myself I was being naive to think that they were truly from God. Why would He want to talk to a sinner like me anyway? But it wasn't me telling myself those things, little did I know, that was the scheming voice of the enemy. But God doesn't back down, He doesn't give up, He doesn't throw in the towel and call you a lost cause. So my dreams kept coming, every single night I was dreaming but they weren't all there, there was an interference. Either that or they were just terrifying. Satan was trying to intervene in the most powerful way that God was trying to talk to me, and I was letting him.

But you'll be happy to hear that it doesn't end there.

The summer just passed I spent in Dallas, Texas, with my absolutely gorgeous friend Miranda.

Here I met some incredible men and woman of God that helped me cast out the demons that were taking over my sleep, and get back on track with God.

I talked to a lot of people about my dreams and it almost wasn't until then that I realised something wasn't right. I kinda just thought God didn't have anything to say at the moment (ha!). How wrong could I be?! God OBVIOUSLY put these people and the conversations I had with them in my path. The first person I spoke to about my dreams told me that the dream I just so HAPPENED to mention to him was actually really relevant to his life and he'd been praying for that answer for a while... Whaaaat?! So God does have something to say to me after all, huh!

So I went away from this and spent some time in the presence of God. I cast out all thoughts and actions of the enemy in Jesus name and forbid him from entering my mind. I knew then that anything I dreamt when I slept would be from God. This is when you're expecting me to say that my dreams that week were incredible, right? Wrong. I didn't dream a single thing for an entire week, but I slept so peacefully. I needed that time to just rest in His presence and clear my mind. Then the fun started! And it hasn't stopped. (Plus I haven't had a single nightmare since!)  But that's a whole other blog post for another time!

I just want to encourage you today; Don't deny God because you think you're not worthy. It's a LIE thats being whispered into your ear by the enemy, and if you listen to it you could miss out on what God's trying to say. No two people are the same, so work out how God personally speaks to you and tune in to it because its so SO good. It's not always easy to understand but don't brush it off because you don't get it right away. I'm still telling myself this stuff as well as you because it's not the kind of thing you become an expert in overnight.

I'm so excited to hear what He has to say next. And I'm sure He is equally as excited to speak to you, so sit down, shut up, and tune in, cause He's waiting, and He can't wait to take you in his arms and impart such goodness into your life. Get excited! The spirit of the living God is here!