The sweetest sound.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Harriet Thayre. I'm 21 and a half, I am a photography student in Surrey, I am a middle child of an awesome family, I have a passion for travel, my hearts broken for the poor, I am a lover of Jesus and a Child of God.

I am currently in the second year of my degree after taking two “gap years” to figure out where God wanted me. Since as early as I can remember I have been confused about where I am meant to be, who I am meant to be, what I'm good at and how I can be better at it. I've never been top of the class, actually, it was rare if I was even middle of the class, but I'm convinced I tried the hardest. When I was in primary school I was very popular. I was a complete nutter, hyper everyday, loving life. I was a massive teachers pet- me and my two best friends- Lucy and Helen- or, to me, Lulu and Belly head (Don't ask), we did everything we could to help the teacher and do the best we could. I loved acting and had endless confidence to do so. When I left primary school I knew what I wanted to do, I wanted to be an actress- obviously! Looking back at the videos of me acting now I have NO idea why my parents allowed me to continue embarrassing myself in such a way but I loved doing it so they weren't very well going to stop me now were they?!

When I was 12 years old my confidence was shattered. My parents sat myself, my little sister and older brother down and told us that “mummy and daddy won't be living together anymore”. I remember it so vividly. I sat there for a minute in silence and then said “that's okay”. What was I meant to say? My sister was too little to understand and my brother was already going through struggles of his own. I felt alone. All I could think about was all the times mummy and daddy hugged and when I saw them I always went to join in, and they promised me it would be this way forever. Now I'm older I can totally appreciate that relationships don't always work out and it was their happiness that was on the line, and I can see why they decided not to stay together. But for many years of my life the divorce had a massive impact on me. I lost all confidence, my thoughts turned from being positive to negative, my attitude got worse, I cried myself to sleep more times than I can bother counting. I was broken by it, just like a lot of my friends were when their parents separated. Why am I telling you this, you ask. Because I want to tell you how present God was during this time. I want to encourage you and lift you up by telling you how He never left me, and how He will never leave me, nor you.

A couple of months before my parents broke the news, I had a dream, as I often did as a child, from God. And I knew it was from God- don't ask how I knew, I guess I had childlike faith and it worked. Through this dream he told me that my life is going to be a bit of a roller-coaster, but that he will be there the whole way. He also showed me pictures through real life scenes; One day I was stood at the top of a hill looking over rolling hills for as far as I could see, the field closest to me had sheep in it and they were all moving from one field, through a gate into the next field. Most of the sheep were through but there was one sheep left, limping and struggling to make it, God told me that I was this sheep. But there was a lamb running from the second field, to the limping sheep, and back again through the gate, going round and round, God was the lamb. The lamb didn't stop until the struggling sheep was through the gate. No matter how much I'm struggling, He's going to keep running back and helping me until I'm through that gate. He will never leave me. Starting to see a pattern?

Many years have passed since all that happened, yes it has left inner scars but they're healed, thanks to the power of Jesus and the grace of God. I have a strong relationship with both parents and love my family dearly. It could have been a whole lot worse. But since then I have always struggled with this feeling of being alone.

My relationship with Jesus has been pretty strong throughout my life, ups and downs as I'm sure every Christian will say, but He has been a constant, even in the nights when I was crying, feeling alone, He tucked me in, kissed my head, and sung me to sleep.

Between the ages of 12 and 21, I have completed my GCSE'S, I have 3 A levels- Media, Art and Photography, I have a foundation diploma in Art and Design and I have spent 6 months living and working in Kolkata, India. It took me so long to decide upon university because I was, and still am quite frankly, struggling with that knowledge of what and who I am meant to be. (Do you ever really find out?) Since my confidence got knocked I didn't want to act anymore. So instead I chose art because I love getting messy and making something colourful and beautiful out of it. Then I chose photography because I love capturing moments that you will never get back again. I chose these things because I never have been and never will be an academic (no matter how many endless nights I spend studying). I'll never be able to be a doctor like my friend Lucy, or a dietitian like Helen, but I've always known that God is fully aware of this and its not a mistake. He doesn't make mistakes.

I thought God was calling me to be a missionary so I went to India (as you do). I worked with street children and rescued sex workers and I loved and love every single one of them. I miss those children dearly, they broke my heart and fixed it again. They taught me so much more than anyone ever has and they're only 2-10 years old. But saying all this, by the time my 6^th month was up I was so ready to come home. I was starting to feel lonely. I would give anything to go back and hold those children again, but I couldn't do it alone.

I finally decided to come to university after a lot of conversations with every person I ever spoke to. I got accepted into my top two choices, and chose Farnham.

I spent my first year living like a robot. I got up, I went to lectures, I took photos, I came home, I went to the gym, I did some work, I went to bed. Sundays I got up and went to church twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, I went to bed. Repeat. I questioned why I was there A LOT. University was and is slowly killing my passion for photography. But maybe, maybe God brought me to Surrey for another reason. Maybe I wouldn't have moved here if it wasn't for the university? Have you ever thought about that? Maybe you're where you are, not for what you think you're meant to be there for, but for some other mental plan that God's got up his sleeve.

It's the truth but it can get lonely. I struggle a lot with loneliness (can you tell?!). And just recently its been quite a lot more obvious than it has been for a while. I wish I could pick up the phone and dial God's number and have a chat about what on earth he thinks he's doing and can he please let me know so I can stop moping around and get on with whatever it is I'm actually here for?! Ha, nope, that would be far too easy, wouldn't it God? But if it was that easy, what would be our reason for faith? Instead of a phone line, Jesus decided to call it prayer. Its similar to calling Him, but you don't always get an instant reply. But don't worry, you will, always, at some point get a reply- even if you don't think you heard it.

So I was sitting at my desk the other day, feeling pretty worked up and confused and lonely and stressed and all these horrible emotions the devil likes to dump on us daily, when I turned on my ipod and the first song that played went like this: “God I look to you, I won't be overwhelmed, give me vision, to see things like you do, God I look to you, give me wisdom, you know just what to do.” (“God I look to you”- Bethel Church) Wow! He knew exactly what I needed to hear, He knew those words would cause the devil to run and hide and lead me to call out my Fathers name in worship. As I sat silent listening to this song, I started to hear it differently; “My child, look to me, don't be overwhelmed, I'm giving you vision to see things like I do, my child, look to me, I'm giving you the wisdom to know just what to do.” God sang to me at the exact moment I needed him to. Just like when I was a child and he kissed me on the head and sung me to sleep, He is still just as present, as I was sat at my desk, he kissed my head and sung the sweetest song over me.

There is no limit to the ways in which God speaks to you. Sometimes it take a few days, weeks, months, just to hear to the whispers, other times its as obvious as a song on your ipod, you just have to learn to listen.

I want to encourage you today, regardless of your circumstances, regardless of what you've been through, regardless of what you're going through, regardless of what you have done or what your past looks like, regardless of how lonely or depressed you feel, just to pick up that prayer phone and dial into God. He is listening. He is ever present. He is constantly running back to you, He is before all things and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1:17), He is kissing you on the forehead and singing over you: “You are my Son (Daughter) whom I love, with you I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). Do not be overwhelmed, He is with you always, He knows what He's doing even when you don't. He loves you unconditionally and He will never let you go. With Him you are never alone.

Hallelujah, our God reigns.

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” - Zephaniah 3:17